Struggle

This seems to be the theme of life lately.

Struggle.

Don't get all crazy on me, just because I say the word struggle in likeness to my life it in no way means I'm unhappy. That's the thing about love, it makes you happy even during hard times. And hard times we have had a plenty.

Mark lost his job back in April, and then again in July. So for the past few months we have skimped and saved to get by. I honestly don't even know how we have managed to do it. There have been a couple times when we shouldn't have had any running water or lights, or even a roof over our head or a car to drive. But we still have those things. We may not have certain luxuries anymore (cable, internet, a second car, etc) but who the crap cares when you're THIS grateful that you have a place to call home?

The positive thing is that Mark did find a job, and he seems to like it. It's Monday-Friday 7 am- 3:30 pm... Jealous? He says he has never had a great schedule like this before. He sure isn't making $ like he used to but it doesn't matter. He's home more now in my opinion and his days off really seem like days off.  Its so nice.

Positive sidenote #2? Back in July I applied to work, well, pretty much everywhere! But in particular I applied to work for GoDaddy and  was surprised when I got a call. After 3 interviews, I was hired! Yay! But they weren't sure when training would start... Boo. Fast forward to today and I'm now starting December 3. So... Yay? Yay! Yay :/ which emotion is it, I don't know yet.

I'm going to have my sweet baby and have to leave her right away, and my other 3 as well. But I'm so happy that I will be making money for our home and be able to help get our family into a better place. I really am. I just need a little motivational prodding from.... Well anyone right now would work splendidly.

Next topic- unhappy people. Boy isn't it true that the unhappy want you to be just as miserable as they are. And I just don't get that?  I've witnessed first hand the devil and his work. His right hand man is someone we have to deal with daily unfortunately.  And boy has he trained this person well. This person has no heart, not even when it comes to her own kids. This person is willing to hurt her kids to try and bring happy people down. Sad isn't it?  I couldn't imagine being so bitter, angry and vengeful that it completely takes over my life.  Well, luckily for us we are  still here, and together, and growing more happy and in love as each moment passes. There are times where things seem impossible, sure. But when you stop and think of the alternative? It's heartbreaking! I don't know exactly what the future holds but " darkness will always be overcome by the light".

My dad would always tell us "This too shall pass..." And these things will.

Cute Alert...

This just in, Dexter Childers (1) of Mesa, AZ reportedly  learned how to say "please"  AND blow kisses this weekend. Witnesses say "It's the cutest thing we have ever seen or heard. He says ME when saying please."

Sources have also reported extreme amounts of adorable bursts of excitement as the boy found some toys from his Aunt being stored for Christmas in the garage. When asked for comment on the situation of the uncovered gifts, the baby didn't have much to say.  Could this cuteness possibly carry on much longer? More on this story as it unfolds.

Remember when...

...after a trip to the mall and a quick window shopping session at the Pet Store, Austin said,

 "Mom, we should go to the governor, you know, Jan Brewer, and ask her to lower taxes. AND the price of dogs."

Me: " (giggle) The price of dogs?"

Austin: "Ya, $1600 is way too expensive for that dog we saw."

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...when we were having a discussion about the Government Shutdown and Zoe asked,

 " How much does the President make every year?"

Me: " I think $250,000. And its tax free."

Zoe: (she gets very "evil scientist" on me, fingers start twittling against each other as if she is devising a plan) "Hmmm, I need to find a way to get in that White House."

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...we were driving, and Zoe was reading a Geronimo Stilton book and she exclaimed,

 "Mom! Geronimo Stilton has been in love with Petunia Pretty Paws in every single book that I have read so far, and he wants to ask her to marry him but he never does. He is always too nervous!"

Austin: (who was listening from the front seat) " Well it sounds like Geronimo Stilton needs to man up already."

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...Austin was painting a wooden treasure chest at the kitchen table and he asked,

 " Mom, could I ask for my very own Pepper Spray for Christmas?"

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...we had a supreme pizza from Papa Murphy's, and Austin despised the mushrooms? He asked me later,

"Can we order it next time without the mushrooms please?"

Me : " You didn't like them that much? But you can't even taste them really."

Austin: "YA-HUH! I have really serious taste buds."

Dexter's Birth Story

Dexter.

He's so special and just so meant to be here with us. He deserves a post all about his little life and how he came to be. So sit back, and enjoy these private moments that I am about to divulge to you. For I do believe that everything has happened for a reason and I want him and anyone else who reads my "journal" someday to know this story.

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I remember feeling like there was just no way that any of this could be happening. "I'm just late..." I told myself over and over again for 2 weeks. Then for 4 weeks. I knew though, I didn't ever miss a period. I'd only missed 2 periods in my life, and the reasons for those were sitting at the kitchen table eating Fruit Loops. I kept putting off the inevitable, knowing that I was pregnant. It wasn't until my good friend, Sharee, urged me for the millionth time at about 12 am on Christmas Eve to take a test. So I went in there, and did my thing. At first,  I didn't see anything on the stick and felt a moment of delight. I had set the stick down on the counter while I washed my hands and just before I went to open the door, I glanced down one more time. This time I saw a TINY hint of a second pink line that wasn't there just moments before. I couldn't even tell if I was just seeing things or if it was really there.
"Are you done? What's it say?" I heard Sharee ask from outside the door. I had no idea how to respond really, even though now where that faint line was, there was an almost clearly identifiable extra line, saying "YEP! You're pregnant! HAHA!"

If I remember right, because everything at that moment honestly just became so cloudy, I showed her the stick and I just remember her asking me what I was going to do, or if I was going to tell Mark. Seriously, the details are fuzzy at this point. But she left me to finish wrapping presents, and to call Mark. At like 1 am. On Christmas Eve.

To give you an idea of just how bad of timing this was, it was mine and Mark's first Christmas after separating from our exes. Everything was still so new, so painful, so exciting, and so unsure all at the same time. This was not going to make anything easier. Anyway, ya, I called him. I didn't even have to tell him what was going on, he just knew why I had called. Again, the details are fuzzy. But I remember when I got off the phone with him, I started to bawl.

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Months down the road, we were much happier people. We had realized just how much we were falling in love with each other every second that went by, we were excited that we had a baby coming that was OURS, his and mine, that we were going to be able to experience together. We had moved in to a house together in Surprise and while there were people who didn't understand or approve of our decisions, we knew that what we had decided to do was the right thing.

Mark was the best man to be around when I was pregnant. This pregnancy with Dexter was by far my most enjoyable! Mark showed so much interest in me and my growing belly, which was so different than what I was used to. He would constantly tell me how beautiful I was, how much he loved my belly, he liked to feel Dexter move, and he just made me feel like a Queen. Because of this I was able to enjoy pregnancy so much more! I didn't gain as much weight as I had in the past, I never had any medical issues, I worked full time up until the day I went into labor! I felt so much closer to him during and after those 9 months.

As far as sweet Dexter goes, I completely felt like he was my little buddy even before he was born. He moved around SO much all of the time :) My stomach looked like there was a little alien inside trying to get out. He went to work with me everyday and even though I would waddle around and had cankles the size of my face, I just loved that little reminder that he was there. He was so much fun to be pregnant with.

 I had taken monthly pictures of my belly starting at about 17 weeks. Unfortunately, after he was born, I lost ALL MY PICTURES on my phone. I was devastated. Luckily Mark had a couple on his left, and while I don't know the EXACT weeks these were taken I have a ballpark guesstimate. And you can just deal with the fact that I am in my underwear in these pictures, seriously. It's all I have so please, just cool it.

August 21, 2012 rolled around slowly but surely. I was 39 weeks pregnant and Zoe turned 7!! I had a doctor's appointment first thing that morning. Dr. Newman ( who I love and is just the nicest and coolest OB ever) was going to strip my membranes, which is fancy talk for "let me give you the most uncomfortable vaginal exam of your life, and initiate labor for you". I was bound and determined though to give Zoe a good birthday so I did my exam, and even though I spent the whole day in major contraction mode, we still went out and celebrated. Mark and I took her and Austin out of school a half day early, and she chose Red Robin for lunch. We went to the mall and went shopping, just typical Zoe stuff and we had fun :) Meanwhile, I can tell I'm headed towards full active labor. I was also bound and determined to keep this little sucker in there until at least 12:00 AM on August 22! I didn't want them sharing the same exact birthday. You follow?

So, the kids went to spend some time with their Dad, and Mark and I were timing my contractions to be about every 5 or 6 minutes. At this point its maybe 7? 8 pm? I cant really remember. But it was later in the evening. Bedtime rolls around and they are really coming on strong, and still very consistent. I'm thinking " ok, I will be going in to the hospital tonight, we better both call in sick tomorrow to work ". Next thing I knew, our alarm clocks had gone off and it was morning.

 

"What the??" I thought. Why I was not in the hospital, I had no clue. Why had my contractions slowed down?? They were still coming, but not every 5 minutes, more like every 10? 12? "Ugh, not cool" I told them.

Mark and I both called in that day anyway, because I just knew it was only a matter of time. Day went by, we hung out, I had contractions, oh it was just fine and dandy. All the kids came over after school, and we made Turkey Tacos for dinner. Of course they were yummy, why do you even have to ask? They are only our favorite dish here in this house.

 

After dinner, we took a shower. It had been a loooong day, waiting, and being in pain. So we hopped in, we were washing, and talking, and then-

 "OH!" I exclaimed with a pained look on my face. "I either just peed or my water broke".

 

I couldn't tell of course because how do you separate amniotic fluid from shower water? I quickly got out of the shower so I could crack this case wide open, and Mark is already out getting all the kids ready to leave because he kind of freaked out I think, haha.

 

As he came back in the bathroom, another gush of fluid came rushing out and I was like "Ya, ok, that's my water. My water broke."

 

I wasn't about to head to the hospital with wet hair and no makeup. I mean, I had already come this far, so I told him as soon as I finished getting ready we would head over there. It was kind of exciting to know that I would be fresh and clean at the hospital :) So I got ready, threw on something I felt comfortable delivering my baby in and off we went.

 

We checked in, water kept gushing (gross and so weird to experience), and they made me put on that HIDEOUS hospital gown, to which I quickly nipped in the bud. "As soon as you get up to your private room you can take it off, " they assured me.

 

We got to our room and yes, the gown was the first to go. We got all settled. Mark was preparing himself for Satan to jump out at any moment, but lo and behold he never came. To his surprise the whole time through labor we were able to just spend some good quality time together. I never yelled at him and called him bad words like you see in the movies, apparently that was his previous experience from his past life.

Nope, we snuggled on the bed together, we talked, we laughed, we just enjoyed our last few moments we had together "just us". I'm telling you, he is a keeper. I got my epidural maybe close to midnight, and then we were both able to get a night of sleep. Yes, I slept through my labor! The nurse woke me around 7:30 ish am??  to check my cervix and as soon as she put her hand in there said

"Oh!, His head is RIGHT there, its time to start pushing!" So Mark and I woke up while they called Dr. Newman.

 I think I pushed for 20-30 minutes? I can't remember. It was not too long I know that. Then at 8:05 am, our little Dexter was born. I didn't think I would cry when they gave him to me, but I did. I think I did because when I looked at Mark, he was crying, and it put me over the edge. Just a sweet moment.

 
 


 He was 8 lb. 3 oz., 21 inches long. My boss texted me asking something about work, and I was like "oh, I just had the baby, I wont be coming in today".  Haha, good times.

This labor, and the whole experience was just so perfect. So easy. So right. It made me want to do it one more time with Mark. Everything about it was just so memorable and positive. Even the recovery was the best I had ever had. I didn't tear, or need a episiotomy, which if you have ever had a child, you know makes a world of difference in the experience.

Austin and Zoe spent a lot of time with us at the hospital, and just ADORED this little baby. He looked, and still does look, so much like my Mark. I spent one night in the hospital and got out of there as soon as they would let me.

 

Dexter J. Nash Childers, you are loved by so many. You make everyone smile that sees you. You have been a sweet blessing sent to make us all whole, and you will always be our little "Boosa". We love you so much.

 

 

 

Getting old

Before I forget, I need to post about Austin getting braces. Ya, he got them. I'm old enough to have a kid with braces. Crap.

I love the office we are going to. Its called Advanced Orthodontics. We were referred there by many of my friends and I can see why. You walk in and everyone that works there looks like a Barbie. It felt like we were checking into a luxury hotel. They offered us water while we waited, the kids played video games (not that they need such a thing while waiting), there are TV's, there's hip hop music playing loudly through the hallways. It definitely makes a kid WANT to get braces. Although, I must say, both my kids have been begging for braces for like a year. Um, hello? I don't remember wanting them when I was little and my teeth looked like all I ate for breakfast were rocks! Kids these days, they are so different.

He said he was nervous that kids would call him "metal face". Well that hasn't happened so we are good there. He looks just as handsome as ever. He will have this set on for a year, and then do a full mouth. Next up? Zoe.

College

The other day, Zoe and I were sitting on this amazing swing that Mark built for me... Of course it is now hanging up on our front entryway. I plan on adorning it with cute and irresistible pillows. Anyway.

Zoe got very sincere and quieted down a bit, and said "Mom, when I go to college, I think I am going to miss you. I mean, I have to go and finish." I was like, "Yes you do!" and just proceeded to assure her that by then she may be ok with having some freedom, and if she wanted she could just attend an In-state school, things like that. I am just so thrilled that my kids realize they NEED to go to college. And I will continue to instill that very thought in their tiny little heads until the day they graduate. If I could go back, that is the ONE thing I would have done differently. COLLEGE. COLLEGE. Did you get that? COLLEGE. I have promised myself that before I die, I WILL get a degree and do what I wish I had done years ago.

Random picture of my and my Zoe, I love it because I feel like its one of the only pictures that she even kind of looks like me in. We are even wearing the same thing, haha.

COLLEGE!! Ok, I'm done. (...college...)

This started as a simple facebook update

I'm 31 weeks pregnant this week with my LAST baby and I'm ready to be done. It's bittersweet actually, because on one hand I'm sad it's my last. On the other, holy crap am I glad this is it.

Mark reminded me that I had this picture of myself that Kristal took from, gosh idk, 4/5 years ago? And it made me miss some things. 

I miss my long thick hair. I miss my brown hair, even though I'm really ready to be a blonde forever again. I miss having a waist. I remember I thought I was "fat" when I took this picture... Um, can I please be that fat again? I miss the dress I was wearing and I feel bad for it because it ended up living with the Devil. Or the trash can. Either way, you should probably take a moment to pay your respects because nothing deserves to end up where it did. I miss visiting friends like I was doing when this picture was taken in Winslow, AZ. I'd even settle for visiting someone right across the street lol. I get in my shell especially when I feel like this and shut  everything and everyone out. I miss getting dolled up and accessorizing to go out on dates with my man. I can't do that when I'm this pregnant. Could you watch Shamu in a dress and heels and keep a straight face? I didn't think so. Besides, even if I could cross that hurdle and decide that I was going to do it, I was going to get ready in my finest, it would last until I reached the front door. By then my hair would be up in a pony tail, I would have thrown my heels at the wall in exchange for the flip flops I walked by at the front door, and you would probably find me sprawled out on the couch under the fan. Now, this would all happen IF and only if I was one of those pregnant people who had nice clothes to wear at this point during pregnancy. Which I do not. To sum up, because I could go on and on, I miss being normal sized with cute clothes and cute hair and being "fat" like I used to be. 

I feel it would be in poor taste to only post about something negative, so let me explain what I do NOT miss about things in this picture. 

I do not miss feeling like something wasn't quite how it should be. I have someone so special to me now, that I would never want to turn back time. I'm NOT saying anything negative about anyone here, I'm just simply laying things out so you understand just how important the people that are in my life now are to me. 

After having Mark in my life I couldn't live any other way. He is my everything. He makes me laugh like there's no tomorrow, he gives me hope when I have none left, he makes me feel pretty even when a blind man could see that it's simply not true. He loves me in a way that I can comprehend and feel and in return it's so much fun to give it back. I look at him in a way that I have never looked at anyone before. Cliche? Maybe, but get over it because it's the dang truth. Sometimes i look at him when he doesn't know it and all these thoughts will start to flood my brain, and because I don't know what to do with them, I just want to kiss him. He wouldn't understand or know what's behind that kiss but I would. The idea that HE is going to be the one by my side for the rest of my life, well there's no way to describe the joy that makes me feel. He's everything, he's wonderful, he's my happy, he's my love, and I honestly can't believe I found him. "This crap only happens in movies", or so my cynical mind had told me over and over again.

 

 I get to enjoy 2 new bundles of joy with him and we get closer because of that as well. Dexter has been such a sweet surprise and there's no way I'd go back to that moment in this picture, because he wouldn't be there. I'm so lucky to have ALL my kids with me and watch them as they grow and interact with each other. Austin and Zoe are amazing helpers with Dexter and they love him so much. Our new baby will be the last piece to our puzzle, and we can't wait. Because she's a girl, I think it's even more special. This will be something that I can experience with Mark for the first time since he has never gone down THAT road... you know, the "I'm a parent of a girl" road. It will be fun and I think it will only make me love him more, if that is even remotely possible.

 

There's just so many changes that have come since this picture that I completely forgot even existed. I wouldn't take a Billion dollars to go back there. Its not like I was miserable during that time of my life, absolutely not. I was happy, but I am just a different kind of happy now. I have added to my life the things that were missing and I honestly feel like these new "things" were meant to be. Everything that has happened since this moment in Winslow were supposed to happen. They have bettered me, they have bettered my kids, and I hope that Mark also feels the same. 

 

I originally started this as a Facebook status update... it wasn't supposed to be this long. That's when I thought to myself, "Here's your blog post you have been looking for!" So I am hoping that this will be the jumpstart I needed to start my blog again. But, I also hope to fit back into my Buckle jeans with a cute little waist by Christmas. So, ya.